Monday, January 23, 2012

Pizza!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a horrible practice and an unfinished routine for competition i decided to go home and order me some pizza. I was feeling a little depressed anyway becuase when I called to check on my application they didnt make a decision yet :-(. That makes me feel like I didnt get in. I am always hearing about people getting excepted into all these colleges and I havent heard from any of the schools that I applied to but the ones I applied to at the black college expo. I guess im not good enough to get into college or idk. I need to go to sleep or something. Im really depressed right now :-(

"Beautiful but flawed"

In church I learned so much and I hope that the message got to my aunt. My aunt really believe that she is the definition of perfect but really she really needs to work on herself but mainly her heart. I know Im not perfect but im working on my heart. I hope me going off to college shows her that her ways are right at all. The way she handles situation needs to change dramatically. Her mindset is definitely not in the stage of time. I feel like shes stuck in the 70's. the problems that they had back then are so much more different then what we have to handle theses days. When I talk to my mom she always tells me that my aunt feels some type of way because she feels like we arent as close as we useto ne when I first moved up here. She absolutley right though. both her and her husband has me pushing myself away and I cant wait to finally go off to college because then I can be in an enviroment that feels like home.

Sunflower seeds

I spent my whole saturday layin in bed, reading the hunger games, and eating one of my favorite snacks SUNFLOWERS SEEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When I was younger I would try and plant the sun flower seeds in hopes that it would grow the smaller bags of sunflower seeds but of course i didnt work lol. So about the hunger games, it hasnt even got to the acutually games and its hard to put it down and that surprises me. I have a hard time getting in to books and by the second chapter I was glued. I thought Kennedy was just saying that it was good because she always reading but, it actually has me forcing myslef to put it down. I cant wait until the games officially start I want to see who wins since Kennedy wont tell me :-(. 

LETS GO TITANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So after being stood up by Kendyl at the game, we cheered to night. Even though we didnt get to cheer the full game, when we left in the 3rd quarter  we where winning by a lot. Nothing else really happened. All we did was cheer which was kind of boring. I miss playing basketball. Its much more fun than the just standing on the side lines cheering but this is what I chose to do and I always finish what I start. I really wished I would have stuck to what I know but I need to experience something new. So I guess what Im trying to say is Im glad that I experienced something new but wished I would have stuck to whatI know

getting ready for competition

So Im not feeling very confident in the competition routine. I feel confused and I never know where my spot is. I dont really believe anyone if us on the team besides Erin but she made up the routine so of course she's comfortable. I really hope we can have a team meeting so that we can vote on whether  we should go. In my luck it would be NO. Even though coach says that we look better than we think we look I dont believe her not a bit. I feel lost, lost so I know I look lost, and just about half the time look and feel the same way I do. Even the girls that went to competition in the fall said that they had more prep time for the routine than we have now, I just dont know. We dont need to go and embarrass our selves.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Hunger games

So I just finished reading the first 3 chapters of  The Hunger Games and surprisingly its getting better as I read each chapter. So this guy Haymitch is really suppose to be Katniss and Petta's mentor? If so I feel like they're in ta world of trouble because he is always drunk. How is he suppose to show Katniss and Petta thye ropes of the games when he can barely form a full sentence without sluring his words. Also I wonder the pin Madge give her actually represents what Katniss really thinks it does. Maybe she gave her that pin to present a message to the viewers. As I think about how the hunger games is going to end, I wonder if Katniss is going to bring home the victory to distict 12. I think it would be awesome for The Hunger Games to end as Katniss being victorious.

UGH!!!!!


Practice today was the worst. I missed practice Thursday of last week so I missed some of the competition routine that we learned in practice. Good thing I'm a fast learner, I thought to myself, Little did I know I was about to be utterly disrepected by the person who had to place me in the formation and created the routine. Good thing Kendyl and Amber was there to help me keep my composure because I was about to fly off the handle. I understand her fustration but its was no reason to take it out on me. I wasnt there so I had to ask alot of questions. Then it was time to learn the dance but she mentioned that she wasnt teaching the dance over again. So I asked Kendyl to help me. I guess it wasnt my day or something because I was aggrevated the entire day.

Monday, January 16, 2012

POTATOES!!!

I have been craving these potatoes for a really really long time. My next door neighbors mom finally made them and when I was over the handed me 3 on a plate. I know its a lot of starch but I swear it is truly worth it especially when you have a aunt like mine who cant cook. I've been asking for these potatoes fro months and i finally got them. These potatoes have made my day and each time I take a bite of this stuffed potatoes my taste buds are sent to heaven. Nothing else really happened today all I ate was potatoes lol

Nursery sunday

Today I spent my time in the Nursery at church. Nursery Sunday's are the ultimate best. Playing with the little kids is so much funny especially when they want to play restaurant which is a all time favorite game. They are so cute but. sometimes you have so bad kids in the nursery. I am usually the one that is quick to send the bad ones up stairs to their parents. It's usually the ones that wont stop crying no matter what you give them. I cant take all that crying, thats one main reason why I dont want to have kids. That and because I'm really selfish. I rather spend money on myself than a snotty nose, and messy child. I really do enjoy working in the nursery though it helps me with my lack of patience because I have absolutely  none at all. 

A boring Saturday

Today nothing really happened. when I woke up, I braided my little cousins hair and went back to sleep. I just dont have the energy top do anything any more. All I want to do is sleep, I really wanna know why that is. I wasnt this tired last year so why am I so tired this year. Where does senior-itis come from? How do you get rid of it? I DONT UNDERSTAND IT UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE IT GO AWAY JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol I serious though I hate feeling tired all the time. 

New Town V.S Owings Mills

The gym was packed with seats as the varsity boys game was about to begin. I became very nervous because tonight we were doing a half time dance and cheer and we just learned it in the one hour we had t practice. I was also excited because tonight was the night we all actually looked like team because we had our uniforms. Then I became anxious because I wanted to know what the Owings Mills cheerleaders had in store. Although we lost the game and I felt embarrassed  this was a learned experience. I actually got to realize how it feels to be a cheerleader and with these uniforms I felt like we were a whole new team. I cant wait until the game on wednesday.

Day of rest

So I decided to stay home and rest because I haven't had any good sleep in a long time. I was actually surprised my aunt let me stay home but I guess she knew I was tired. I'm usually willing to leave the house even when I'm sick just to get away from my nagging aunt but I definitely need the rest. I was home by for most of the day anyway which was good, but as soon as my aunt walked in she started arguing. Her arguing ruined my day as It always does but next time I dont decided to take a day off to rest I'll go next door and sleep at the neighbors house. They're more welcoming anyway and they actually make me feel like I'm wanted there instead of invisible.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

DRY CHEER TEAM!!!!!!!

So today we had to cheer at the boys game and all the captain except Amber where gone to gymnastics knowing that we had to cheer. When i was cheering at my old school in NC, if we didnt make it to the game or had a reasonable reason why we didnt come to the came then we couldnt cheer at all like we got kicked off the team. We are cheerleaders for a reason we support our school no matter what. I definitely understand why Amber w2as upset during the game. When all the captains are missing no one except a few at like they cant think for themselves. Usually when everyones there, its always someone that wants a call a cheer or start a jump line. Today, everyone wanted to act lost and act like this was the first game they have every cheered at. Also no one wanted to show their titan spirit so I left the line for a while until my coach maqde me go back and cheer. This attitude majes me not want to cheer any more, its not fun any more.

Class debate


Instead of doin things associated with college and scholarships we waisted a whole class period debating about something i could careless about. I dont watch football so I dont really care anything about it I felt like the whole debate was pointless and thats why I didnt participate in it. I would have rather be using that time to fill out scholarships that I really need or I will be in a whole lot of debt. Im started to really get aggrevated with this AVID class becuase it feels like waist of time and space in my schedule.

Monday, January 9, 2012

New Town v. Franklin

So today I had the opportunity to cheer for the boys game which is something I've been waiting for since making the team. I say this because to me the boys games are much more exciting then the girls game because in reality they treat the game as a way to show off there talents. Today definitely change that out look because after JT got hurt it was kind of like they were determined to when the game in her favor and secretively made me miss the feeling of coming together as a team with what I felt was my basketball family. I do want to congradulate the girls for there victorious when against Franklin and I hope the boys won. It nothing worst than the feeling of getting  beat in your own house.

Ihop!!!!1


So after church instead of going to the depressing house of horror, I decided to go to Ihop with my cousin and his family. I love spending time with this family because they show me that Im not in this by myself and that I always have another house to excape to when I cant take it any more with my aunt. So once being seated our waitress was my cheerleading coach which was really, really, weird. After leaving Ihop we went to best buy to look around and this guy that worked there started flirting with me. Not trying to be rude, I just started laughing in his face because he was trying way to hard. When he finally built up his courage to ask me for my number I told him I was a lesbian and walked away. Im really mean, which I know, but, he wasnt my type of guy anyway.

Youth S.T.R.I.V.E meeting

So Saturday my youth S.T.R.I.V.E meeting was very interesting. We had speakers who either just graduated from college or is now attending college talk to us and give us advice on college life. The mainthing that was stressed during the meeting was the value of time managment. Using a planner was highly reccomended and staying on top of everything is a must. They also addressed thing such as the responsibilities you take on once gooing to college. Things like waking yourself up for class, finding the right times to wash your clothes or even take a shower and that things you dont even think about when the thoughts of going to college comes to mind. This meeting was very helpful in my doubts of going off to college.

Red Lobster!!!!!!


So I had the opportuntiy to enjoy an awesome dinner with an awesome person. We talked about the problems I have with living in the house with my aunt and the stress of my senior. I really needed to have that talk with someone who was willing to hear both sides of the story. I needed to hear that I wasnt wrong on the decisions that I've made and that the adults that are suppose to be taking care of me isnr handling the situation. After that night I didnt even want to return home because I was having the best time I've had since moving to Maryland and this is my second year here. Thats awful.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

FAFSA finished

So I finally finished my application for financial ad all by myself but I will not let this upset me. I thought getting ready for college would be fun and all my family would put all there differences aside and help me with preparing myself for college. Like I didnt think I would have to ask for help, I'm thinking the help would already be waiting for me. This whole experience shows me that the only person I have is myself. I'm glad that I got it done though even though I call those representative 12 times. I had to do what I had to do to get things done. Just as long as I got it finish I wasnt even worried about it. My next obsticle is finding a job so I can start saving for college. I wont have the support of my aunt and uncle and my mim just cant do it by herself so like I said its all on me. This is why I have a bad mood when I'm at home becuase I feel like I dont have the support and no one cares. Im just over it.

Toast for change


My toast for change in 2012 is to be come a healthier person. Not only with my diet but also with the decisions and the attitude. One thing I've realized about myself is that I always allow my anger to get the best of me. I have to become a stronger person and be able to take charge of my situation. Nothing in this world will be handed to me and thats why I have to obtain a healtier out-look on life. I have to find ways to re-direct my anger issues into positive solutions and actions. I would love to be a more happy person not only at school but also at home where I'm having the most problems.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Finally did it!!!!

After working really hard and staying focused, I finally recieved a B in honors college algebra. I didnt think this task was tangible but I definitly proved my self wrong. I really proud of myself and when I saw it on edline, I just had to take a picture of it. I hope I can continue working hard so that B can eventually turn into an A ( I doubt that smh). Now the grade I have to work on now is that AVID grade. I really dont understand why I have a D because most of the things I have missing are done but, I definitely need to talk to someone about fixing my grade. I still dont understand why we get graded on blogs when clearly when the idea was brought up, it was a way to see how we transformed through our senior year and the first semester of college. Although this assignment has turn into a dog bit to the booty, I will no longer complain or make another comment about these blog because I've state my feelings several times. In conclusion, I GOT A (B) IN COLLEGE ALGEBRA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM TOOOO HAPPYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A new hair experience


So I finally experienced doin my first sow-in and man it was terribly hard. The braiding was the easiest part. Thank God Tezerea walked me through it. Once I got the hang of it, There came a new obstacle sowing a double lace thing or whatever you called it. I was really hard because the thread wouldnt go though without using the alot of force. I would never sow-in a weave EVER again. There is no amount of money big enough for me to do it. It's really time consuming and its alot that you have to be cautious of.

Monday, January 2, 2012

2012!!!!!!!

Usually I make a New Years resolution but, this year I will not. I made so many changes within myself and I am happy with what I've become for right now. I have done so many stupid things in 2011 that you wouldnt believe. I disappointed not only myself but my entire family and I hate that feeling. Through those mistakes I have blossomed into the young lady everyone was waiting on. I was talking to my mom as the New Year came in and all she could say was that she proud of me. She was glad that God changed my heart so that I can evolve into the young woman I am now. I just want everyone to be proud of me instead of disappointed with me all the time. The only person that has trouble getting over the mistakes I make is my uncle. He will hold a grudge until the world ends. His attitude makes me feel like he doesnt want me to be living in the same house or being in the same room as him. My mom told me not to wory about it and thats exactly what I'm going to do. Hopefully God will work on him as he has on me because, he truely needs it.

New Year's Eve

Because my aunt didnt want people to stare at her we didnt go to church like I planned to go to bring in my new year right so yes I spent my New Year's eve in bed Watching 106 and party which was cool. I know this make me sound "uncool" but I've never been to a New Year's Eve party. My family is really big on religion so we always go to church to bring in the new year. Ever since I was a little girl I spent my New Years Eve at church but once I go off to college im going to PARTY!!!!. My family will be very disappointed but, they have to let me live out life and make mistakes on my own and thats why Im chosing to do it up big on New Year's Eve.

My chill day!!!!!

I didnt do anything but watch TV all day. I did do my laundry but other than that I layed on the couch and texted, while watching TV. My aunt didnt bother me because she cant walk down the stairs so yep life was great for today. Although I feel bad saying it, I'm kind of glad she fell. She's not all over me as much as she useto be she's not asking me; where I'm going, who I'm texting, and why am I not doing something. All she does is stay in her room so this pass week has been heaven to me. I mean I still did my chours kept my room and the bathroom clean but this has been the most relaxing week ever. She needs to keep this attitude towards me because life would be so much easier.

HAIR DRESSERS!!!!!!


This morning my aunt forgot to tell me my hair appointment was at 9:30 so, I had to rush and throw on clothes and head out the door which I hate. Once I got there, I was waiting for at least an hour just so I can get a touch up and my ends clip smh. My Cousin-in-law thinks I should cut my hair but, I am not trying to. I want to grow my hair out. My head is way to long for a short cut. If I was to cut it short I wouldnt know what to do with it half the time anyway. There isn't much you could can do with a short cut. So know (I will not cut my hair I'm leaving it just the way it is besides coloring it. I tried a mahogany rinse but it didnt come ut as bright as I wanted it so im going with a red rinse.

Shopping with rea day 2


On shopping day 2 I decided to be girly, Why? I dont know just felt like it. I even carried a big shoulder purse which was a definite surprise to my aunt because I usually dont carry purses. She actually asked me if I was going on a date smh. Anyway, Once we reached the mall I realized that I didnt have my wallet, all I had was my change purse. Rea ended up having to pay for my food but I paid for her's the prior day so we are even lol. These two days with Rea made me realize alot about myself. I'm actually girlier than I think I am which is really weird. But hey guess it is what it is.

Shopping with rea day 1


I had so much fun shopping with Tezerez. She made me step out of the box and try new things. One of those new things was buying these heels. I told Rea that I was terrified to walk in heels because I never tried. So she made me talk off my shoes, put those heels on, and walk aroind in the store. To my surprise, it wasnt that hard to walk in them and they feel really comfortable. I thought I was tall enough but, those heels made me
feel at least 6"4. I feel like a super tall giant in those heels. Well im really excited about this new side of me and ready for day 2 of shopping!